man in the mirror

at what point do we realize that rebellion isn't always the right thing to do? is it before or after we've lost something or someone we know we can never get back? pride is a hell of a thing meant to show the other person that we have "standards" and "convictions"..pride is nothing but insecurities wrapped in bullshit to feed our egos. to tell us that we are doing the right thing, when in all honesty we know we aren't but when we realize it..it's too late. words were said that we can't take back and apologizes mean nothing because the bond was broken for that moment and time. even if one did apologize would we really mean it? i mean considering that at that moment that is what we felt, can one really apologize for their feelings? actions maybe but feelings idk..if i could strip away my pride right now i would but i can't so until then i'm on a journey one breath at a time.




hey mike "If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.”

misguided reflections

one thing i absolutely love is observing people. people have always told me when i look at them it's as if i'm looking into their soul. perhaps that's true but i have always been able to see past the facade. more often then not i wonder why people do things they know do not please them, or they just wouldn't do had all those people been around. is being a part of the "in" crowd really that important? ..to be continued

the devil's advocate

I've always hoped to grow up and be a child my mother was proud of. It's like a tug of war battle between the me that's trying to find the promise land, and the me that's trying to live for today light one in the air and be worry free. This split in personalities often causes me to feel guilty because she expects more out of me. I can give more but the battle tosses back and forth between the lines of sin and salvation. I guess it's a fine line we all walk trying to save our souls while at the same time maintaining the care free spirits that lay ready to escape us. One day the fighting will be over and it will be interesting to see who has won the WAR, because in the end there can only be one winner.

words unspoken

have you ever wondered why it's so hard to find the right words with some people. and with others they never stop flowing from your soul. it seems as though we can never say what we really want or need at the time until the only person left is ourselves to hear those words.

forbidden fruit.

Have you ever wanted something or someone so badly even if its forbidden. For whatever reason you are unable to attain said person or thing, yet the thrill makes it worthwhile. You are left wonderin what brought you to this place and morals tested because some where down the line the line between forbidden and what your hearts become one

taint my mind.

super villian or super hero.

sometimes i wonder whether or not the actions of myself or others are out of the kindness that lays within or is it some sick cover up. to get us closer to the pearly gates when in reality i could give two fucks about how you feel. if heaven wasn't on the agenda and hell was just another nightmare story told to keep us in line nobody would care, all for one and one for none. questions flood me while answers evade i write randomly because that's just how i think but back to the topic at hand i'd rather live like there is a god than to live like there isn't and found out there is and be fucked. to be or not to be is the name of the game, get in where you fit in.

until next time folks.

cool beans and sweet dreams

haven't done this in a while so yeah...


so this past week has been beyond crazy got into a fight. i don't apologize for anything that happened but i could have handled it better. needless to say people reap what they sew hope the scar on your face heals =]. the fav cousin/sister came to visit good times " is it because your penis is small?" Met 3 amazing people who just knocked at the door, never met them a day in my life but they were great 2 hours of life lessons [i still think they're angels]. everyone keeps saying how dangerous it was but it's unexplainable they were brought to our door for a reason we took them in even after they beat us up. I have three new brothers now. The end is closer for one chapter and completely new for another last month at Prairie View, Nursing school in the fall hopefully but i'm still wondering what the hell i'm doing in college...once I find the answer i'll be dropping out ASAP.